How’d I Do?

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QUESTIONS FOR YOU AT 50

I saw this posted and decided to do a check in with myself.

The pic on the left I was 52 actually. The right I just turned 60.

In a few months half a hundred will be 12 years behind me. My road from 50 to 61.9999 has been paved with guts and glory.  So this poll will be as good a gauge as any…

Here we go:

1. An old boyfriend who makes you smile with melancholy when you remember him and an old boyfriend who makes you proud of how far you’ve come.* CHECK – EVEN THO OUR PARTING WASNT SMOOTH, D WAS A LIFELINE AND A BEST FRIEND WHEN I NEEDED ONE.  J WAS A CHALLENGE TO MY SOUL LOINS AND SPIRIT – MENSA MATERIAL BUT HE COULDNT OUTFOX OUT BEGUILE OR OUTSMART THIS DIVA

2. A piece of furniture that has never been previously owned by anyone in your family that you bought with your own money and makes you happy.* CHECK – IVE GOT VERY EXPENSIVE LEATHER FURNITURE I PURCHASED 13 YEARS AGO AND IT STILL LOOKS LIKE NEW…AND RECENTLY IVE GIFTED MY KIDS WITH IT

3. An outfit that makes you feel invincible if your future employer or man of your dreams calls to meet you in an hour.* CHECK – IVE ALWAYS BEEN UNSTOPPABLE IN BLACK & WHITE IN MY PROFESSION. I FIND ITS OFT PUTTING TO SOME WHICH I ENJOY. AND NO ONE HAS NOTHING ON THIS LADY IN RED!!! I CAN STOP TRAFFIC AND OFTEN HAVE.
4. A set of lingerie that you would not be ashamed to be seen wearing.* CHECK – BUSTIER OR BODY SUIT YOU DECIDE WHILE I STRUT.
5. At least one scar on your heart where HE hurt you.* CHECK – IVE APOLOGIZED TO MY HEART A TIME OR TWO. SHE IS ME AND I AM HER – HELD TOGETHER WITH THE TEAR SOAKED SINEWS OF HOPE & UNBREAKABLE BONDING SOUL GLUE
6. A past juicy enough that you’re looking forward to retelling it in your old age.* CHECK – 2 EBOOKS IN THE WORKS AND NOVEL BY YEARS END. AMBITIOUS YES BUT WTH NOT
7. The realization that you are actually going to have an old age — and some money set aside to help fund it. 1/2 CHECK – TELL THE TRUTH AND SHAME THE DEVIL. I DONT HAVE A BANKROLL SAVED BUT I WONT BE GREETING YOU AT THE WALMART EITHER. GOTTA KEEP MY HUSTLE GOING.
8. An email address, a voice mailbox, and a bank account — all of which nobody has access to but you.* CHECK – MINE ALL MINE
9. A dream so big it scares you.* CHECK – DEADLINES AND IMAGINATION MUST TRUMP FATIGUE AND SELF DOUBT
10. At least one friend who always makes you laugh and one who lets you cry.* CHECK – MY GROWN SON AND DAUGHTER. SHE IS THE DEADPAN REAL HUMORIST SHE SLAYS US WITH HER WORDS AND LOOKS. MY SON IS MY HEART TWIN HE FEELS WHAT I FEEL AND UNDERSTANDS AND ALLOWS ME MY PATHOS
11. A set of screwdrivers, a cordless drill, and a pair of totally unpractical shoes. 3/4 CHECK – I HAVE THE SCREWDRIVERS IVE NEVER OWNED A DRILL AND MOST ALL MY SHOES ARE KICK AZZ. HEELS TILL I DIE.
12. Something ridiculously expensive that you bought for yourself, just because you deserve it.* CHECK – JEWELRY WOULD BE MY PURCHASE IVE GIVEN MOST OF IT AWAY BUT IVE ALSO KEPT A TRINKET OR TWO
13. The belief that you are worthy of treating yourself with respect.* CHECK – HELL THAT WAS INSTILLED IN ME FROM THE WOMB
14. A skin-care regimen, an exercise routine, a push-up bra and a great pair of Spankx. CHECK – SPECIFIC BEAUTY AND YOUNIQUE FOR MY SKIN, I WALK WHEN I FEEL THE NEED TO. ALL MY BRAS HAVE TO HOLD THE GIRLS UP. AND YES GAWD LYCRA ON THESE THIGHS PUHLEEZE
15. At least one recipe you cook well to impress the fussiest of guests.* CHECK – MY SPEGHETTI WILL GO DOWN IN INFAMY
16. A place to go just to think… where you can be completely alone with your thoughts.* CHECK – IM A DRIVER AND THE ROAD AND MUSIC BRING ME TO CENTER ALWAYS
17. At least one child who looks to you for guidance and advice . . . even if he or she isn’t your own.* CHECK – BOTH MY SON AND DAUGHTER – OUR BOND IS UNBREAKABLE
18. The knowledge on how to break-up with a man or confront a friend without losing your temper or your self-respect.* CHRCK – IN BOTH AREAS, ONCE IVE SAID MY PIECE IM DONE AND YOURE GONE
19. At least one lover who knew exactly how to touch you to make your toes curl.* CHECK – YESSSSSSSSSSSSSS AND MAY THEY CONTINUE 2CURL UNTIL I LEAVE THIS PLANE
20. The memory of a kiss so powerful . . . just the thought of it could sustain you into old age.* CHECK – BUT IMA KEEP ON KISSING IF THATS ALRIGHT
21. The medical history that runs in your family so you can take care of YOU!* CHECK – IM THE PSEUDO DOC IN OUR FAMILY. AND THE CURATOR OF MED HX WRITE UPS FOR EVERYBODY. AND THE PSEUDO PHARMACIST EVERYONE ASKS FOR ADVICE
22. The ability to live on your own and not be dependent on anyone.* CHECK – IVE BEEN ALONE MORE THEN IVE BEEN COUPLED AND HAVE HOUSED FOLKS AS WELL
23. An outfit that feels like you are in a cocoon and safe from the world . . . it’s usually fleece or flannel.* CHECK – IMA A PAJAMA GURL WHEN IM ALONE. & I SLEEP WITH A COMFORTER AND NUDE ALL YEAR LONG
24. The ability to let go of the hurts from your childhood and embrace the fact that your parents did the best they could with the skills they had.* CHECK – IM LUCKY IN THAT I HAD ABOUT AS  IDYLLIC A CHILDHOOD AS ONE COULD OF HAD – NO REGRETS
25. One secret that makes you smile.* CHECK – ALTHOUGH IM AN OPEN BOOK IVE GOT A THOUGHT OR TWO THAT ARE ALL MINE
26. A memory that makes you cringe . . . because those memories were lessons that brought you to here.* CHECK – IT WASNT MEANT FOR ME TO HAVE SURPRISES LIKE BIRTHDAYS OR VISITS
27. A journal full of your deepest thoughts.* CHECK – ITS CALLED MY BLOGS
28. A person you can call at 4 in the morning because you’re in a bind.* CHRCK – YES MY KIDS AND TWO MALE FRIENDS
29. The knowledge of what you are willing to accept and what you are not in a relationship.* CHECK – ITS BEEN FINELY HONED OVER TIME
30. Something you do that’s just for you and no one else.* CHECK – I SPEND MY TIME ALONE JUST ME
31. A piece of jewelry that has sentimental meaning.* CHECK – MAMAS ONYX AND GOLD RING I BOUGHT 4HER BEFORE SHE DIED
32. An older woman in your life who embodies the traits you want to develop in your old age.***MY OLDER HEROINES ARE GONE
33. A spirituality that feeds your spirit and nourishes your soul.* CHECK – YES “PEACE BE STILL”
34. A soundtrack to your life that when you hear it on the radio you sing at the top of your lungs.* CHECK – “ANGEL FLYING TOO CLOSE TO THE GROUND” WILLIE NELSON
35. Someone or something you LOVE with your whole heart.* CHECK – ME MYSELF AND I FIRST THEN OTHERS
36. A to-do list that never gets completely checked off.* CHECK – I ALWAYS CHECK OFF MY TO DO LIST. #OCD #ANAL
37. Enough money to run away in case you have to. CHECK – YES JUST IN CASE
38. A purpose to rise out of bed every morning.* CHECK – HEARTBEATS (MY KIDS) AND GEMS ( MY G- KIDS)
39. The ability to look in a mirror and love the ripples and bumps and wrinkles that stare back at you . . . because you earned them all over time.* CHECK – IMA GOOD LOOKING QUEEN & IM PLEASED WITH ME
40. The ability to say NO without having to add anything further.* CHECK – YUP RECENTLY EARNED
41. A hobby that you can get lost in for hours.* CHECK – READING AMD WRITING
42. A hole in your heart from losing someone you have loved deeply.* CHECK – I TRULY THOUGHT HE WOULD BE THE LOVE OF MY LIFE
43. Done at least one thing kind for someone that has no way to ever repay your kindness.* CHECK – MY LIFE HAS BEEN ONE OF SERVICE
44. A “Been there – Done that” t-shirt to starting over from scratch . . . whether it be from a divorce, a career change, a massive loss or surviving life’s curve ball.* CHECK – GIVING PERMISSION FOR MY PARENTS TO ASCEND. DIVORCES AND REBUILDING ME
45. A photo album full of memories . . . even if it’s on a flash drive or saved to the cloud.* CHECK – YES THEY SUSTAIN ME
46. A passport . . . up to date and ready to be stamped for the next adventure. CHECK – LETS GO
47. At least one grey hair, wrinkle and saggy body part. If you don’t, something’s wrong.* CHECK – YES AND THEY ARE EMBRACED
48. An accomplishment that’s all yours . . . outside of your children, not tied to your spouse . . . something you have done or created all on your own.* CHECK – DENTISTRY IS ALL MINE
49. The knowledge of who you are as a woman. What makes you happy and what is no longer tolerated.* CHECK – IM AN EMPATH, A MUSE AND BULLSHIT IS NO LONGER TOLERATED
50. The understanding that 50 is not over the hill . . . it’s not even close to the hill. There is no hill even on the horizon . . . because you still have shit to do.* CHECK – PUHLEEZE MOVE OUT THE WAY AND WATCH ME WORK!!!

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