Why Not?

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FATHERS DAY BRINGS MEMORIES OF CONVERSATIONS WITH MY DAD…
Conversations that nowadays when i have questions i search back through them to find the PEARLS OF WISDOM.
Looking for clues and information that will help me walk through to whatever “hmmmm revelation” i crave answers to. The singular declarative vision that will be made clear while seeking that AHA moment.

Todays truth journey…

When love arrives, presents, initiates, blossoms, grows, makes known, CLAIMS, ATTEMPTS, bargains, ACCEPTS, decides, commits, thrives, lives, STUMBLES, doubts, questions, errs, rationalizes, excuses, bargains, fades, postulates, accuses, backpeddles, lies, diverts and SUCCUMBS

I NEVER ASK WHY…

I ASK
WHY NOT ME…

Daddy you told me to always be Me…
One would come one day…who could…who will…understand me and love me for me.
It wont be easy for him, he will stumble because you told me…
Im Different…but Im Worth it…
Im Worth Everything…

I BELIEVED YOU THEN AND NOW…BUT
Im tired of “Lonely” Pop…
It Taunts me It Belittles & Berates me..
I cover my ears because the noise is deafening.
Only ALONE stands up for me now. It shouts at Lonely to GO AWAY…LEAVE ME W/ALONE.

Old Beaus/Lovers peer back at me over their shoulder…they think they can smell the scent of desparation that seeps through my pores…even tho i shower frequently, vigorously and mask its scent with Perfume.
They register my disdain for Lonely and mark time, waiting like the wolf studying its prey while the prey is dying of thrist…
Their Fangs exposed to bite me and drink me in. But oh how i miss the sting…
i concoct visions of pleasure in my minds eye, FORGETTING the sharpness of the blade they used to cut me in half. Taking only what they wanted…only what they needed from me…and left me for dead.
Only to sit back and MARVEL at my Recovery Renewal ReAwakening and my ReEmergence…and wonder if I will be gullible enough or their Game good enough for me to hop on amd ride rhe ride again. NO I AM NOT!

That does NOT stop them…

For in my NitemareDreams Lonely returns…
It SLITHERS closer. It raises its Head and its Hood. I transfix on its eyes and the Sway of its Head…I become deaf to the Hissing…and i forget to look away too late… as the Venom sprays into my eyes and Lonely strikes…and i fear one day it will kill me. Because i was made to Love. I will perish without it.

However there is The One…He has loved me the Most but has CUT me the most. He wrestles past Demons and Fractured Upbringing. He wrestles with God, Family, Evil, and Me.
Our path has been crooked and lain with Land Mines. We have Bloodied each other, yet we have soothed and bathed in it together. We’ve left each other exposed, but want nothing more then to be covered by one another.
Ive had to wait YEARS for him to Grow, Learn, Be, Show, Tell…

But Pop
Can He Do?

You told me HE was the One
and I Believed You
Pop Im still asking…(of him)
WHY NOT ME?

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